Walking out to the plane in the baking heat, sweat dripping down my face, the smell of burning fuel and the roar of the engines all serve to heighten my sense of dread and fear. On the way up to 15,000 feet the small, ex-military transport aircraft, crammed full of other skydivers lurches around, I continually question my sanity and ask myself why I ever thought this would be a good idea. My instructor tells me to relax and breath. I’m obviously giving off some stressful vibes. He double checks my canopy and harness straps as 12,000 feet shows up on our altimeters. Finally the pilot slows the plane by doing one quick steep climb which gets us to the required height and the door is rolled open. The jump light goes from red to green and one by one the experienced members of the company jump out leaving the floor open to me and my instructor. He motions me forward and I clumsily inch my way to the door, the weight of the large canopy on my back not exactly helping me move gracefully, I try to breath and stay calm while the roaring wind fills my ears. I give the required motions to signal I’m ready and then its time. Out, in, arch.

The last thing I see as I hurtle down to my impending death at 200 mph is the end of the wing tip of the plane zooming off. I try to stabilise myself while my instructor Julian clutches onto my side keeping me from spinning around out of control. He makes hand gestures in front of my face to help me get into the arched position from where he can let me go. I try and remember all we’ve been told on the ground but the wind and adrenalin coursing through my veins make this a lot easier said than done. Finally I get into some sort of stable position and Julian lets me go.

I start spinning to my right, in a 360 degree turn, Julian looks on, waiting for me to attempt to stop myself from turning. I feel angry, why is this happening to me again, why can’t I keep straight, why is everyone else getting this but I’m not? I have practiced on the ground doing the correct motions for hours. The anger and frustration make me more tense which doesn’t help in correcting the situation. The seconds are ticking by. I try and move left to counteract my spin to the right and just make it worse. I’m close to going out of control. Julian has had enough, grabs me by the feet and then returns to my side where he can keep me in control. I check my altimeter. 7000 feet, too close to the ground to attempt another try. I need to pull the main canopy soon. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 6000 feet, waveoff and pull. Another failed attempt at level 4.

As I drifted towards the ground under my canopy I wondered should I continue or cut my losses and bow out? Every repeat level was costing me more, not only in money but also in hurt pride and self confidence. All the other beginner Accelerated Free Fall students I had started with had moved on and were one or more levels ahead. I had a choice, do I let this beat me or do I continue. I passed level 4 on my next attempt after 3 retakes.

What happened to me here can happen to anyone in a new situation. I like to think the stakes are a little higher in my example but the fundamentals are the same. Humans are built to be able to learn new skills and master them. The more experience we have the easier something becomes. We all face moments of doubt and question ourselves when trying new things, especially when things don’t work out and we fail. No one likes to fail and be told to try again, to be told that they aren’t good enough. It was this that really made me want to give up. If I had given up I wouldn’t have had to face the prospect of failure, again.

What we often forget is that no one is born with all these skills. My instructor once jumped for his first time too. (and also might have failed a few levels) Another point to consider is that the main objective with learning a new skill is progression. As long as progression is apparent, then we are moving in the right direction.

So remember, others have failed before you, if you give up you are only fooling yourself, the moment you are about to give up is often the moment you are closest to breaking through and achieving your goals.